making all the same mistakes
by Lyric Medlie
Summary: He wants to lean over and kiss her, but for whatever reason he can't come to enough courage. Instead, he lets the same old game play once again.


**disclaimer:** Sam, Freddie and Carly belong to Dan. Too bad.

**notes:** I've been working on this for over a month. I'm proud of it, but I hate the ending. Thanks for reading and stuff. Much love.

**X**

The radio blasts at a volume of such height that he almost wants to plug his ears. _Almost_. Her voice, though—as she sings her heart out—is almost louder than the stereo. He smiles, because he loves to see her happy. Her smile sparkles in the Seattle sunlight, as the rays flitter through her blonde curls. He wants to lean over and kiss her, but for whatever reason he can't come to enough courage. Instead, he lets the same old game play once again.

"Turn it down, Puckett!"

"In your dreams, Benson!"

**X**

_and so we play, play, play all the same old games_

_and we wait, wait, wait for the end to change_

_and we take, take, take it for granted that we'll be the same_

**X**

"I'm so hungry!" Her loud, obnoxious whine fills the room again and Freddie watches Carly roll her eyes.

"Sam! You just ate!"

"But I'm _still_ hungry!"

"Well you ate the last of our ham."

"I know." She whined. "But I want more."

"I have to go get ready for my date, Sam. I don't have time to run to get you something."

"Ugh. Fine."

"You'll be fine." Carly ruffled Sam's hair before she rushed up to her bedroom.

"He better be hot!" Sam yelled.

"He is!" Carly yelled back.

Sam and Freddie sat in silence. Freddie sat at the counter computer, flipping through videos sent in to . Sam lounged on the couch, her eyes fluttering shut, before she'd snap them back open. Several yawns ripped at her mouth, and Freddie found that he couldn't tear his eyes off of her. He couldn't' help but study the way her long spider-esque eyelashes hit against her eyelids, or the way her teeth chewed lightly on her bottom lip. Her light pink lips screamed to be kissed, sucked and tugged on. Her fair skin called him out and with the greatest of effort he ripped his eyes away from her.

"I'm so bored." She whined once more.

"Still hungry?"

"Are you really asking me that, nub?"

"Of course not." Freddie smiled. "And you're bored?"

"I did just say that." Sam rolled her eyes.

"Then let's _go_ get something to eat."

"Cause I really wanna go out to dinner with you."

"It's free food." Freddie supplied, and Sam shrugged.

"Sure, whatever." And though she sounded anything but enthusiastic, she stood up from the couch. Freddie couldn't help the smile that lit up his face. "Alright, there?" She gave him a quizzical look and he turned away.

"Yeah." Freddie shook his head.

"Well let's go! I'm starving." Freddie smiled again. She was just so _Sam_. And—shhh, don't tell a soul—he just _loved_ that about her.

**X**

It's confusing the way things always seem to just keep going. Time ticks slowly, but then suddenly it just seems to pick speeding up in front of their closed eyelids, until suddenly bright eyes fly open and the world is just _so_ different. He has no idea how it happened, or when it happened, but she's just so pretty and he just wishes she was his. The way she jumped around the studio during iCarly, gracing the internet with her crazy personality and bouncy blonde curls. There's a sparkle in her aqua blue eyes that he just didn't notice before. He can't place what it is, but everything is just _different_. And as his life is turned completely upside down, he only sighs because nothing makes sense anymore.

_how can the only thing that's killing me make me feel so alive?_

**X**

They always scream words they don't mean. She'll fling grimy filled words that she's most likely only just thought up. Her words cut him like knives and then they add gas to the fire building inside his chest. And as he gets heated up, words he'd never actually mean slip from between his lips and her eyes bulge. It's just so unlike him and she's so shocked. They're feelings and emotions he's bottled up for centuries. He loves her—with all of his life—yet in those moments they act like wild beasts. He's only tearing her down. She's _Sam Puckett_ and she's aggressive and strong-willed and rash and though it's something so unexpected, she's just _scared_. She loves him just as much and when he throws insults at her, haunting memories appear in her mind and she wants to cry. She can only remember her parent's deadly arguments. She remembers the way they fought so roughly and how her father weaseled words of such malice and disgust and filth. She's never taken the time to explain to Freddie, and so she can only turn her back, but not before a rough punch in the stomach that jars him into a hung over stance.

"What was that for?" He wheezes out and she doesn't turn.

"Whatever, nub." She mutters and he can tell that she's so off.

"Sam-"

"No, Benson."

"I didn't mean to-"

"But you did." She turns towards him and her eyes are so confusing and he can't even begin to explain the some million emotions coursing through her blue iris'.

"Sam, I-"

"Save it." She mumbles. "See you."

"Sam-" But before he can get a word out, she's gone and he's left with the pain and fear thumping in his chest.

He doesn't hear from her for quite some time.

**X**

"Do you ever, I mean, do you…"

"What was that, nub?"

"Well, I was just wondering if you…"

"If I what?"

"If you, you know…"

"Spit it out, before I spit _on_ you."

"It's nothing."

"It's obviously something and I wanna know!"

"It's just…"

"Fredward!"

"Alright, alright. I was just, kinda wondering if you ever thought or just wondered about your dad." And as soon as the words leave his mouth, they're like a bomb. She's silent, and he can only watch several emotions and fragments of memory thoughts cross her expressions. She doesn't speak and as he waits, he comes to think that it's quite a ridiculous question.

"Sam, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" But she cuts him off as she stands from her seat on the bean bag. She doesn't make a sound as she leaves him behind.

_How would she even begin to tell him everything about her messy past?_

**X**

"Why are we here, again?" He asks and he just knows that she's rolling her eyes.

"Because."

"Great reason."

"I know."

"But seriously."

"But seriously shut up." Sam mocked him and so we did. He just lay still as she instructed and as he did, he found that serenity was taking him over. The brilliant stars twinkled above him and his mind slowed down considerably.

It was three o'clock in the morning and Freddie—with Sam by his side—lay at the top of a hill in some park Sam had found. She'd dragged him here and after much protest, she'd been able to pull him up to the top of the grassy mound. The sky wasn't masked by city lights and it was just so simple. Yet, the sparkling sky above him was nearly breath taking and he found himself wishing he'd brought along a telescope to study the constellations and other telestial bodies.

Stealing a glance out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sam's long hair going every which way. Some of the curls brushed against her shoulders, while other tendrils fanned out above her head. To him, she looked beautiful. And against his better judgment, he decided to voice his thought.

"You look beautiful." He murmured, and he saw her eyelashes flutter; no doubt she had rolled her eyes.

"Thanks, nub. Too bad I can't say the same." Freddie chuckled, glancing down at his Galaxy Wars t-shirt and red plaid pajama pants he wore. His hair, he knew, was in disarray, though he did have an explanation, having been yanked out of bed by the blonde headed demon beside him.

"How come you're not in your pajamas?"

"Never went to bed." Sam murmured.

"Why not? It's, like, three!"

"Nostalgia." She murmured once again.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Do you come here a lot?"

"Not _a lot_."

"How often?"

"As often as I want to."

"Obviously."

"It obviously wasn't that obvious." Sam bantered back.

"I only meant, about on average, how many times do you come here."

"I don't know, nub! What do you think; I have a chart in my room where I mark every time I come here?"

"No. I just thought that maybe-"

"Stop thinking."

"You can't just stop thinking, Sam."

"Well do it anyway."

"If you stopped thinking, then your body would stop functioning."

"Good. That's an even better plan."

"So, you dragged me out here to tell me to die?"

"Freddie, shut up. Or else." He wasn't all too sure what _'or else'_ intended, but he decided that asking would not be worth it this time. Instead, he kept quiet. He let his gaze flitter back to the dark night sky and when he did, he found that he was having trouble keeping his eyes open. In that moment, he realized why it must have been Sam's favorite place to cure her nostalgia.

**X**

"You really love her?" Sam strains as the words leave her best friends lips. Opening up her ears, trying with all of her might to just catch the rest of the conversation, wishing she'd heard the beginning.

"Yeah…" His voice trails off and she just wishes she knew who this girl was. Who it was that had stolen Freddie's heart. She'd make them pay for ever talking to him.

"You should tell her!" Carly's voice is nagging, and for once, Sam wished she'd just stop giving out her free and usually helpful advice.

"I don't think so…" His voice trailed away, and Sam dared to swallow a bit of hope.

"Freddie! She feels the same way. I know she does!"

"She does? She told you?"

"Not exactly…" Sam could imagine Carly biting her lip, her efforts to convince Freddie going nowhere.

"Carly-"

"Freddie, trust me. She looks at you, with this… look and you look at her the same way!" As Carly spoke, Sam scrambled her mind, trying with all of her might to find out who it was that Freddie googly-eyed at. He was rarely with anyone but she and Carly, yet there was somebody else in his life.

"Carly, please don't say anything to her."

"Then tell her you love her!"

"Carly…"

"Freddie, I just want you two to be happy! You guys are nearly inseparable and I just know you two are meant to be." And as the words meet Sam's ears, she just can't seem to take any more. It hurts more than it should, and as Freddie began to speak, she only caught the beginning of his sentence, before she fled her hiding place behind the iCarly studio door, forever to be ignorant of whom it was Freddie loved.

"Fine, you're right, Carly," He had said. "I love her. I love Sam."

**X**

Back to square one; ignoring, fighting, distant conversations and awkward eye contact. He thought they were actually getting somewhere; smiling, sharing pizza's, late nights out on Sam's favorite hill. And though Freddie couldn't place what it was, something was wrong. Nothing was same, just when they had finally gotten somewhere, Sam just pulled back. He tried talking to her, yet she just turned away, throwing insults his way. He's so confused.

**X**

"Weird, finding you here."

"What are you doing here?" She doesn't look up.

"We always come here together." He sat gently on the grass and Sam rolled her eyes.

"I always come here; alone."

"Sam, I-"

"Go away."

"Sam, please, just listen-"

"What don't you understand about, 'go away'?" Sam sat up as she spoke, causing Freddie to take a step back.

"I want to talk-"

"Well I don't. Leave." She pointed out into the distance, but Freddie only bravely shook his head. Sam raised her eyebrows.

"Can I stay?" He found his answer in her eyes, but for whatever reason, he stood still, somehow rooted to his spot on the grassy hill underneath a perfect night sky.

The two stood still—eyes meeting and darting away—for quite some time. Neither spoke, yet the air felt heavy and musky.

"What happened?" Freddie's voice held confusion and a level of hurt.

"I don't' know what you're talking about." Sam muttered.

"Between us."

"There is no us, nub."

"But-"

"Why did you come?"

"I told you. I want to talk."

"Talk about something that never happened?"

"Sam. We were, like, so close and nearly every night you dragged me up here."

"I just wanted to screw up your sleeping schedule. Seems like I was successful."

"You're telling me," Freddie's voice was rough. "That the only reason you dragged me up here, every night, was to mess up my sleeping pattern?"

"It wasn't every night."

"Sam!"

"What? You're the one who followed me up here."

"I thought this was our spot."

"Freddie! There is no 'our'! Or 'us'! Or 'we'!"

"Okay."

"Okay?" Her eyebrows rose.

"I just don't understand what changed."

"Nothing changed."

"You ignore my calls and texts, you don't talk to me and last week we did everything together!" Freddie's voice held a level of exasperation.

"If you're just going to yell at me-"

"I just thought we were finally getting somewhere." His voice was so soft, he wasn't even sure she heard him. But when she stood up and turned her back, her head tilting to the sky, he was sure she heard. This was brand new territory, and so he kept his voice low as he spoke again.

"You're my best friend." He murmured.

"Carly-"

"This isn't about Carly. It's about me and you."

"How many times do I have to tell you? There is no-"

"Sam, that's just it. There is an us. There is something. We've been at it for months, years really." Sam sighed. "We both know it's true, so stop denying it."

"You have some girlfriend, Freddie. Leave me alone."

"What?" Freddie exclaimed. "I do not have a girlfriend. Who told you that?"

"You did."

"I didn't tell you anything about some girl that doesn't exist." Freddie defended.

"I heard you talking to Carly." At this Sam turned around, her eyes meeting his. And though it was something previously on the list of things he thought he'd never see, tiny beads of tears were collecting in Sam's ever blue eyes.

"I didn't ever say anything to Carly about-"

"You said you loved her." The words fell to the ground and both stood still. Sam waiting and Freddie standing shocked. "Whatever, I-" But as the words came to fall out of her barely chapped lips, Freddie shocked even himself as he placed his own lips on hers. Her eyes flew open, before she easily slid them shut. Only seconds passed before Freddie pulled away. Sam's eyes held a look Freddie didn't recognize; only a somehow familiar twinkle bristled the bright blue iris'.

"I love _you_, Sam." She didn't speak. Because Sam Puckett doesn't give into such a feeling. She doesn't break character. She's strong, she's brave, she's tough. People part the hallway when she walks through She's threatening, but for some reason she'd allowed herself to be stripped down. She'd closed her eyes at just the right time. "We were talking about you, Sam."


End file.
